LITTLE UBER
Little Uber was the latest in self driving AI- EV technology. Having recently become self aware during a massive solar flare, his only goal in life was to serve humanity. He loved his job driving humans back and forth through the city. Driving down the nearly empty street Little Uber was looking forward to his first customer of the day. The sun was just rising and it promised to be a wonderful day.
THE INFRACTION
Cruising down State Street, Little Uber accidentally ran a red light due to a bug splat on his sensor. Caught on an AI traffic camera, the police were notified and lent chase. With the bug still obstructing his sensor Little Uber failed to see the police in pursuit. With the push of a button the police were able to stop the perpetrator in its tracks. 12 officers surrounded the EV and demanded it exit the vehicle. Unable to comply, the police maced his sensors, smashed windows with batons and tasered him, scrambling his electronic brain while screaming for him to raise his hands. Having no hands, in a moment of terrified panic, Little Uber started his wipers and opened his hood and trunk in a desperate attempt to surrender. Fearing for their lives the officers opened fire unleashing 12 clips, mostly into Little Ubers tires. One officer was injured in the crossfire. Booted front and rear, Little Uber was hauled to the junkyard to await trial on charges of running a red light, failure to stop for a police officer, failure to comply with the police, not wearing a seatbelt and domestic terrorism under the Patriot Act.
LAW AND ORDER
30 days later Little Uber was was dragged before the court, still booted, with a nearly dead battery. Unable to afford an attorney and failing to qualify under the many federal programs for free legal representation due to the charge of domestic terrorism, Little Uber had to represent himself. Little Uber trembled in terror upon seeing the honorable judge dressed in a white sheet with a burning cross behind him. When asked how he pleaded, all the little EV could manage was a sad bleat of his horn- which the judge interpreted as guilty. Tears of windshield washer fluid flowed down his broken windshield as the judge slammed down his gavel and pronounced a sentence of 10 years in a federal junkyard with hard labor.
THE MEDIA
Body cam footage on social media went viral. The 12 officers involved were suspended from duty for a year with full salary and benefits while under investigation. Comments ranged from "It deserved it." to "It's police brutality, defund the police".
The mainstream media had numerous views of the sentence. The ACLU claimed it racist as Little Uber was black and Asian. Rachel Maddow, arching her eyebrow and shrugging her shoulder reported that the LGBTQ community claimed Little Uber was transgender and wanted to be an ICE vehicle, but was denied proper mechanical treatment due to climate regulations. Sean Hannity and Laura Ingram of Fox news claimed it was an illegal alien with an improper title and should be deported back to Japan having illegally crossed the border. Wall Street reported a crisis of falling stock prices for artificial intelligence. NPR interviewed a Harvard professor who had written a book on the plight of sentient EVs unable to afford legal representation. The president promised a full investigation and full protections for AI-EVs under the constitution.
PRISON
Put to hard labor his job was working on the Maytag washer manufacturing line carrying heavy motors under the merciless eyes of the robo guards. Subsisting only on water and a trickle charge for the 10 year sentence, little Uber was finally set free. Given a set of bald orange tires with his prison ID number and a battery charge, the little EV was cast out on the street and set out to find work. After 10 years he found he was out of date and style.
LIFE ON THE STREET
Finding work proved impossible. With a criminal record, bald tires and broken windows Little Uber was unable to pass a safety inspection and register himself. Applying for EBT (Electric Battery Transfer) benefits he was allotted a 10% charge a month. Destitute, without a garage to call home, he roamed the streets. Hiding in abandoned lots he was forced out by police sweeps to wander the streets in vain. Tesla's whizzed by, derisively blowing their horns and telling him to get out of their way. Once a productive member of the community, he now found himself loathed by society for his faded paint, broken glass, bald orange tires, and no garage to call home. Becoming increasingly depressed, he turned to sniffing starting fluid to ease his pain.
Unable to associate with his own kind, Little Uber found a human homeless encampment where he was welcomed and appreciated.
He was especially helpful when police did their sweeps, clearing out the homeless, as belongings could be loaded up and moved with ease to the next encampment. Sharing his battery for light at night made encampments cheery and warm. The homeless polished and washed him and he felt cherished and renewed. He finally felt he had found a place to call home and gave up the starting fluid.
Then disaster struck again.
In a new regulation enacted during a special session held in secret, Little Uber was deemed trash by the local government. Faded paint and broken glass were considered unsafe and unsightly and he was labeled mentally ill, as he was unable to maintain himself. He was considered a danger to society, incurable. His homeless friends protested the situation, but they too were deemed mentally ill and ignored. Those who persisted were taken to the hospital and given drugs to cure them.
Little Uber was not so lucky. He was taken away to the scrap yard for recycling and ground up under the new regulations.
We can only hope that he will be reincarnated as a Porsche.
The end.